The life and times of Dr Fossil

 

Dr Fossil in the wild

Dr Fossil in the wild

This weeks blog is an extract from the newsletter of the Black Country Geological Society entitled ’The Dudley Bug’ in which we have produced a special edition world exclusive report. Little has been known about this man of science…that is until now! Over the past few months we have tracked down the elusive Dr Fossil to explore his most intimate personal life stories of the most important geological figure in the world. “It has been a real challenge to bring this together, I scaled the highest mountains and crossed the deepest gorge to find him, then I was nearly eaten by him!” claims Chris. Sadly, during the making of this edition Chris suffered a horrific accident; thankfully after a change of underwear all was well. 

Over recent weeks a local geologist who has been dubbed Dr ‘Bob’ Fossil (known scientifically as Bobbus fossilites) by the gallery education team, has been let loose in Wolverhampton Art Gallery on Friday afternoon’s, to lure unsuspecting visitors into the gallery with a host of dead creatures and bones which are interpreted in the doctor’s enthusiastic but slightly mad style. This is the story of how the doctor came to be…..

Velociraptor

Original image by Salvatore Rabito Alcón, Wikicommons

Some say he feeds only on eutrophic bacteria, others say his only friend is a dead squid, but all we know is that the doctor is clinically insane! Legend has it that he came to Earth on a meteorite which impacted Earth 150 million years ago. Luckily for us he survived by jumping off the meteorite just before it hit the ground. Life was hard for the doctor as a baby, brought up by a herd of Diplodocus dinosaurs he ate nothing but regurgitated leaves. Geologists are generally considered to be carnivores so when the Diplodocus became extinct he was adopted by Velociraptor’s where he fitted into the family pack perfectly. Dr Fossil soon found out that being brought up on a diet of raw dinosaur meat had its drawbacks, for example, a geologist’s compulsory beard was very awkward when he had his head deep inside a smelly, rotting carcass. Although, his rock hammer came in very useful when hunting, it was so powerful that he could bring down a Tyrannosaurus Rex with a single blow; it was this that inspired the myth of Thor, God of Thunder and his mystical hammer, Mjölnir. Little did the Vikings know that they were worshiping Wolverhampton’s very own Dr Fossil.

By 65 million years ago Dr Fossil had made his way out into the big wide world which was about to change forever! One fateful day an enormous asteroid impacted the Earth, sending the doctor into immediate peril but fortunately he was wearing his hard hat that day, which thankfully had protected him from the initial blast. The doctor was slightly bemused as to what had interrupted his volcano poking activities, but he scurried back to his cave anyway to watch the latest news reports on the home-made coal powered proto-television. He was warned about the impending firestorms and tidal waves, therefore the doctor was sadly forced to change his plans and stay home to catalogue his fossil collection. Even the risk of dangerous radiation did not deter the doctor, well of course why should it? Geologists are well used to radiation, especially when they lick Uranium just to see if their tongues glow in the dark.

Fluffy the Mammoth

Original image by Mauricio Antón, Wikicommons

During Dr Fossil’s teenage years, life in the Eocene, Oligocene and Miocene was easy. Global temperatures were warm and sea levels rose, meaning the doctors cave was now by the beach where he could sit and pass the time by counting the grains of sand. This is the period when the doctor evolved from a dino-man to a primitive mammal, just as he is today. This evolutionary phase saw Dr Fossil lose his tail and webbed feet and he started laying tiny rocks rather like a chickens lay eggs. During the ice age the doctor roamed the wilderness on the back of a mammoth he called ‘Fluffy’ who he still keeps as his pet today. He showed early humans how to make fire, which he witnessed during the asteroid impact, the wonders of cave art and even how to make a wheel. He showed Bronze Age men where to mine for minerals, which he had witnessed being deposited millions of years earlier and explained how farming crops were far more appealing than eating regurgitated leaves or getting messy eating raw meat.

One drunken night in the 1600’s Dr Fossil accidently gave away all his coal and iron production secrets to a man he met in a pub called Dud Dudley, which eventually sparked a world changing revolution. It was in the 1800’s the doctor met a Shropshire man called Charles, they became good friends and Dr Fossil showed him his family photo album of his life growing up through history, but few years later his friend Charles Darwin published a book containing the theory of evolution. This influential figure in history is little known and few people know how Dr Fossil gave rise to the greatest civilization in history and created the world as we know it today, but now that story has been told and the world will finally know the truth about the genius of Dr Bob Fossil.

Fossil Friday, Wolverhampton Art Gallery

Fossil Friday, Wolverhampton Art Gallery

Over the years exposure to toxic minerals and radiation has made this man a complete fruit cake. Today the doctor resides deep in the geology stores of Wolverhampton Art Gallery, where he catalogues the geology collection and is occasionally let out the terrorize the public with displays of death through geological history before being returned back to the stores for feeding time. Until next time…..be aware of the geologist’s….they are among us!

By
Chris Broughton
BCGS Member

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